High School is no place to develop Self-Esteem

I found my diary from high school in a box of stuff from my parents' house.  The section about finding a date for the Junior-Senior Prom would be funny if it weren't so sad. 

Here are some excerpts:

     "Me and Anna and Deanne talked about a date for the Junior-Senior and Deanne suggested her brother Todd to go with either me or Anna.  ...then she asked him if somebody asked him to the Jefferson Junior-Senior, would he go, and he said it would depend on who asked him. Deanna told him that me and Anna needed a date for it.  "...we went outside and talked some more.  Deanna asked him again and he said he would let her know."

     "I went to Phyllis' house that night and we called Jeff to ask him to go to the Junior-Senior with me.  Jeff said he didn't know, that he would call me back.  ...Jeff hasn't called me back yet.  If he doesn't call by tomorrow I'm going to call him..."

     "I'm going to ask Denise if she thinks one of her old boyfriends will go to the Junior-Senior..."

     "Jay called and said that Phyllis had gotten a letter from Jeff and he wouldn't be able to go to the Jr. Sr. with me."

     "I called Jay Sunday night and we talked about somebody to go to the Junior Senior with me.  Jay suggested that he would get one of Mrs. Walker's sons to go with me.  So Monday, he talked to Mrs. Walker and she said she thought one of them would go. He gave her one of my Senior pictures to show them.  Tuesday, Jay said that Mrs. Walker's sons had already made plans for the weekend, and wouldn't be able to make it."

     "Jay said he was going to call Lee and see if she could get me a date with a guy from Commerce for the Junior-Senior."  Wednesday night at square-dancing, I gave Lee a picture of me.  Lee told Jay that she had just about gotten this guy named Tommy talked into going and she thought if I called him he would go.  I called Tommy.  He made up some excuse about his cousin being sick."

     "Saturday was the day of the Jr. Sr. and I didn't have a date...  I went by the cafeteria to look at the decor of the Junior-Senior.  The theme was 'You've got a Ticket to Ride' and 'Paradise Lost' was playing."

Orthopedic Confusion

One day last week, I got a call from Dominion Orthopedic Clinc reminding me of my appointment this week. I didn't remember making an appointment, but I had gone to the clinic a year ago about a shoulder injury so I figured this was a follow up.  I thought about canceling the appointment since my shoulder hasn't been bothering me, but never got around to it.  So today when the reminder popped up on my calendar, I jumped in the car and drove over.

I signed the sheet and took a seat in the waiting room.  After a few minutes, the receptionist called me up and said, "You are a patient of Dr. Steenlage."  I told her that I had never heard of Dr. Steenlage, I was a patient of Dr. Foster. She looked back at her computer and said that it had been more than a year so I would be considered a new patient.  She gave me all of the new patient paperwork to fill out.

A man in blue scrubs called me back to an exam room.  He said, "You are a relative." I gave him a blank look.  He said, "You are Dr. Steenlage's patient from our other office."  I again explained that I didn't know who Dr. Steenlage was. Mr. Blue Scrubs (who never introduced himself) asked me why I was there.  I explained that I thought it was a follow-up for my shoulder but that my shoulder really wasn't bothering me. 

Since it was an orthopedic clinic, I thought I'd see if they had any advice about my sore thumbs.  Mr. Blue Scrubs said he could give me some injections of cortizone to relieve the inflamation, then he left the room.  He came back a few minutes later and said he would take some X-Rays.  We went down to the X-Ray room and he looked in the computer for my records.  After a few minutes, he said, "Do you spell your name T-E-R-E-S-A?"  I said, "My name is Betty Morris and neither of those are spelled T-E-R-E-S-A."  He found my record and commented that it was not filed under Teresa Smith.

Back in the exam room, Dr. Sutlive came in and looked at my thumbs.  He didn't think the injections that Mr. Blue Scrubs had mentioned were necessary and wanted to give me a prescription for Mobic to take for 30 days.

When I went to the desk to check out, the clerk asked if I wanted to make a follow-up appointment in 30 days or if I wanted to just call Dr. Steenlage to follow up.  Not wishing to explain again that I didn't know this Dr. Steenlage, or that I didn't plan to come back to this office, I just said, "I'll call." 

I took my prescription script and left.  When I got to the car, I looked at the prescription and it was made out to Betty Jones.

G-N-I-T

I heard the cutest conversation in the restroom of the Sky Club on a recent trip.  A little girl in the stall to my left told her mother (in the stall to my right) that her little brother has a new nickname.  "It's Nat, but not K-N-A-T like the bug, even though he's little..."  The mother responded, "Gnat is spelled G-N-A-T."  "No", the little girl... corrected, "it is K-N-A-T because knit is K-N-I-T."  Mother: "Yes, it is."  Little girl:  "No, it's not."  Mother: "Yes, it is."  Little girl:  "No, it's not."

Finally, I chimed in from the middle stall, "Yes, it is."
"Thank you", came from the Mom's stall.
"Oh", said the little girl, "then knit is G-N-I-T."
This kid could get all tied up in K-N-O-T-S trying N-O-T to make a mistake!

Call the Police, this man is killing me!

Warning! This note is about a trip to the gynecologist. You men may want to skip it.

I made the mistake of calling my gynecologist, Dr. Calhoun, this morning to tell him that I had been having some issues. He recommended that I come in for an endometrial biopsy. He explained that it is a simple office procedure that only takes about 30 seconds. Oh, and it might be a little painful so I should take 4 Advil before the procedure.

Since I would be going out of town for the next few days, I decided to take advantage of the opening he had this afternoon. In addition to the prescribed 4 Advil, I also took a prescription strength Anaprox because I’ve felt his idea of “a little uncomfortable” during my pap smears. I was expecting “a little painful” to be pretty painful but bearable.

When I arrived, there were very few other patients in the office and they quickly cleared out. In retrospect, I think this might have been by design so they couldn’t hear me screaming.

The nurse came in and took my blood pressure. 110 over 68. If I had known what was coming, I bet it would have been a lot higher. Dr. Calhoun came in and explained the procedure to me. He showed me on his little plastic uterus how he would stick in a tiny innocuous tube to take a sample of the uterus lining. “How does that sound?”, he asked. I grimaced and said, “Just great.” He and the nurse laughed.

I braced myself for the start of the procedure. I got the usual instructions: “Scoot toward me. A little further. A little further. A little further. Spread your knees. A little further. A little further. A little further.” In went the speculum. Yep, familiar with that uncomfortable feeling. Next, I believe he stuck in a full sized vacuum cleaner hose. The tiny tube he had shown me earlier must have been a miniature model for demonstration purposes. I made a few moans and groans. It was, indeed a little painful. When he started vacuuming, the pain increased 400 fold. I arched up off of the table and started screaming. “Stop! Stop! I can’t take it. Please stop.” He continued on, “Just a few more minutes. Hold still” I screamed louder. “PLEASE STOP! GOD, PLEASE STOP! YOU'RE KILLING ME! I CAN’T TAKE THIS! STOP! STOP!” The little nurse, who looked to be about 18, had her eyes as wide as saucers. A knock came at the door. Dr. Calhoun shouted, “Don’t come in.” To me, he said, “I’m almost finished. Just hold on. Don’t move.”

Finally he withdrew the painful instruments and asked if I was okay. I said, “That depends. Are you finished?” He said, “I think I got enough to see what I need to see, but it would be better if I got some more.” I told him I thought he had enough.

He asked me not to tell anyone in the waiting room that I was his doctor because I am sure they could all hear me screaming. Then he said that he knew that it was painful and he told me why he knew.

He said he was in his office one day when his wife burst in. She had just been to her gynecologist. She demanded, “Do you do a procedure called Endometrial Biopsy?” He told her that he does it when it is necessary. Her response was, “Well, your patients hate you.” And she slammed the door, knocking a picture off of the wall.

When I left the office, the receptionist said, “I think Dr. Calhoun should waive your co-pay.” 

False Teeth

While attending a memorial service yesterday, I learned that the owner of the funeral home and I had a mutual acquaintance, the man who lives upstairs from my father at his retirement home. Jerry, the funeral home owner, told me a tale about a little joke they had played on "Klondike", my father's upstairs neighbor.

Jerry got a call from one of his friends, "Jerry, bring some of those teeth up here to the cabin." I guess as the owner of a funeral home, Jerry had some spare false teeth that the owner no longer required. So Jerry cleaned and boiled a set of them and took them up to the cabin where his friends were waiting. Klondike, having had a bit too much White Lightnin', was sleeping it off in one of the bedrooms with his teeth in a glass by the bed. Jerry and his friends substituted a glass with a new set of teeth for Klondike's own. When Klondike awoke and put the teeth in, he said, "I'm going to have to quit drinking that White Lightnin'. Its made my gums swell!" He was spotted that afternoon out back with a knife whittling away at the teeth to make them fit. That night when they went to bed, they made the switch back to Klondike's original teeth in the glass by his bed. The next morning when he woke up, he was amazed that the swelling in his gums had gone down and his teeth fit again. He again swore off of the White Lightnin'.

I haven't had a chance yet to question Klondike about this story, but it should make for some lively conversation at the retirement home the next time I visit!

The truth about HDHP

I signed up for the High Deductible Health Plan (HDHP) option at work, thinking it would be a good deal for me and my husband since we are both blessed with excellent health. The deductible is $2000/person or $4000/family. One of the benefits of the high deductible option is that “Preventative Adult Care”, “Preventative Well Woman Care” and “Preventative Mammograms” are covered at 100% with no deductible. Another benefit is that my company contributes to a Health Reimbursement Account (HRA) on my behalf ($1500 for employee plus one coverage). Sounds great so far, hunh?

According to the description of the plan, “When you enroll in the option, you'll receive a debit card that you can use to pay for eligible expenses as long as you have a balance in your HRA.” My first problem was that I never received a debit card so I did not have access to the funds. When I contacted our Human Resources department, they informed me that the verbiage in the plan description was incorrect. I would not receive a debit card. The funds would instead be administered by Aetna and could only be used for “covered” medical expenses, so any expenses that Aetna denied or over-the-counter expenses would have to come out of my own pocket. Annoying, but I could live with that.

The next obstacle is that there is apparently no such thing as “Preventative” care because Aetna pays almost everything out of my HRA account.

My husband went for a physical and the associated lab tests weren’t considered preventative. Aetna paid the charges from my HRA. Cha-Ching. He went back to have his cholesterol level checked so he could get a refill on his medication and that isn’t considered preventative either. Cha-Ching. That was last year. This year, he went to a new doctor (because our old doctor was no longer in the plan). I have him strict instructions to specify when he made the appointment that it was for his “annual physical”. The doctor’s office billed the insurance company for two visits, coded “99203 OFFICE/OUTPATIENT VISIT, NEW” and “99386 PREV VISIT, NEW”. Aetna paid the $135 for the “PREV VISIT” but took the $100 for the OFFICE/OUTPATIENT VISIT” from my HRA. Cha-Ching. Aetna’s response to my dispute? “Our records indicate that the claim was billed for a routine visit as well as a medical visit. If there were issues discussed during the routine visit that are medical in nature, the provider can bill for a routine visit and a medical visit.” Amazing.

My routine mammogram required a follow-up because the technician saw something that might indicate a problem. The follow-up mammogram showed that it was nothing, but because they “thought” there was a problem, it wasn’t considered preventative. Cha-Ching. Another chunk of change from the HRA.

And the most distasteful of all? Aetna doesn’t seem to think a colonoscopy is preventative either. Do they think I just went through all of that prep-work for the fun of it? Cha-Ching, Cha-Ching, Cha-Ching. There went the rest of the HRA and I still owe $1329.95. My dispute over this one is still outstanding. I can’t wait to hear what response they come up with for this one. 

What is a GAS LICKER?

I was paying bills last night & going through credit card receipts. I came across a receipt from Tony’s pile that was from the BP Gas Station. The item purchased was GASLICKER for $6.95.
I called across the room to Tony, “Tony, what is a GAS LICKER?” He puzzled over it for awhile before he finally came up with what he had bought at the BP. It was a laminated map of Georgia. I guess it was meant to be GA SLICKER… We laffed & laffed.